Thursday, 3 March 2016


To people, I'm just another slave that they can order around anyway they wanted.

To people, I'm just another doll that they can toy around and fuck with anytime they wanted.

To people, I'm just another emotionless person that they can emotionally abuse freely.

To people, anything I do is a mistake and I have to play by their rules so I could get what they thought I earned, which is not much.

To people, I'm not allowed to feel anything and just take on what they gave to me, regardless of what I might feel inside.

I'm just someone to be manipulated whenever they please and wherever they want.

I didn't deserve a life, yet it was given to me. And now I have to live it, ending it would put other people in some much trouble because they depend on the labor work I do for them.

Who am I? I am nothing but a toy.

To top it off, I am all alone in this world.

In umbra manus.

Thursday, 11 February 2016

Exams? Oh boy.

When you just realized that exams are in a month or so. I'M BASICALLY FUCKED.

Preparations? Oh trying not to get sick and brain storming on how to get 3 years worth of high school material in a matter of days for exams. The answer? Try rather impossible. But in this school (or basically all schools my level across the country) apparently, it's not that impossible. Everything is kinda possible here.

Back to preps, my head is on constant turmoil with the thought of studying. Add endless weeks of exams of that then you get what I'm feeling. Oh joy. And I'm getting dizzy writing this too, checking out.

Peace peeps! Someone hand me something for moi eye-bags please, it's Gucci.

Thursday, 4 February 2016

Take What I Can Get

The days when we're trying to know each other better were hell, so to speak. We both have changed so much and apparently, more stubborn than we were before. There were days when we would go at each other's necks, there were days when we would keep our distance. It's Saturday night and we have reservations for dinner. So here am I, holed up in the bathroom, trying to tame my wild hair with Sava's straighteners.

If finders were keepers, I'd still be at home
Take it or leave it, I'll show you the ropes
When you no longer see me, I'll be gone

"Brie, I laid your outfit on the bed!" Sava shouted from the living room, probably chilling on the couch while nursing a cup of tea with the TV on.

"Alright, thanks girl!" I said, giving up on trying to tame my hair so I went out and looked at the outfit she chose for me.

So much for answers, I don't have a clue
I can hear you, you're calling from outside my room
You're still locked inside me, holding on

I looked out the window as I sat on my vanity, ready to start on my make up. Evening rolls by with slight rain, people out and about ready to wander around the city. Picking up my powder brush, I start doing my make up while listening to the radio.

So I take what I can get
So I take what I can get

"Kael's here!" Sava knocked on my door just as I'm putting final touches on my face, ready to step into the gorgeous ombre dress from Elie Saab cinched with a thin black belt, Brian Atwood heels, completed with a simple velvet clutch. I blow on my nails a bit, colored black to match the dress before stepping into the heels and walking out of my room.

I'll break out your windows, I don't need a key
Show me your doubts and I'll make you believe
Yeah, you're still here to haunt me
You ain't gone

"Brianne." I heard Kael breathed out as he stood up from the couch, gazing at me with wonder and amazement. I feel my cheeks heating up as he took my hand and kissed the back of it.

"Kael." I murmured shyly when he stood up straight again.

"Ready?" I nodded and we went down to his car, driving over as the sun sets and stars begin to appear on the sky,

So I take what I can get
So I take what I can get

The drive over to the restaurant is quiet with a few occasional small talks about daily things, really. We're both lost in our own thoughts as Kael made a left and we entered the parking area for the restaurant. He went out first, opening my door for me and taking my hand before leading us both to the restaurant.

And if you are coming home
I'll be out on my own
I don't need you
To give me back the open wounds

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter asked a few minutes after seating us and letting us look over the menus.

"Brianne?" Kael asked and I motioned him to order for us both. He nodded and start prattling out in fluent French the dishes we would be eating. As soon as the waiter goes away, he turned to look at me and held my gaze seriously.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my rows furrowing. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his body tense.

"For the next few minutes, can you just listen?" He finally said and I nodded, still confused with his mood change. He nodded back, leaning back on his chair as he started talking.

But if you start to shed your skin
Naked heart - wearing thin
When you call

I'll be here, once again

"Brianne Clark, I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then. Would you do the honor of being my wife?" He slid out of his chair and kneeled down on one knee close to me. The whole restaurant went silent as their attention moved to us both, guests waiting with bated breath for my answer.

Time seems to stop, as if there's nobody else but the two of us. I held up a hand in front of my mouth as tears gather in my eyes. Slowly, still in disbelief, I cried and nodded, all the time smiling. The guests started clapping as he sighed and put the ring on my finger. I lifted my hand for a closer look on the ring, the diamond glinting as the light catches.

So I take what I can get

So I take what I can get

What I can get

"I love you, soon-to-be Mrs. Jacobsen." Kael murmured as he pulled me close and leaned down to kiss me.

"I love you too, Mr. Jacobsen." I smiled and leaned up to meet him.

The Unforeseeable Future

Bonsoir! (at least in my area)

Yes, yes I know. I haven't posted in ages, you can blame school and helluva load of exams for that. C'est la vie.

Speaking of futures, I still can't believe I would be graduating high school this year (AMEN TO THAT) and then it's the university/college life. I feel so old, ha. No undoing what has been done, unless we're on our phones or PCs where undoing is one of the best thing ever created.

Funny thing, when one of my choices is where everyone in the country wants to go but it isn't my top choice. Since I'm still married to music (and books), my choice is music then literature. Follow your heart, they say and follow my heart, I do. Can't be changed, really.

But since I'm trying for the test free thingy, I need to be more serious in picking the university. *sigh* The hard life of having a twin who wants to go to med school. Expenses, more expenses, and more expenses.

Can't complain though, I'm just gonna enjoy the ride and see where I end up next. I'm sure it would be the best, though I'm not really convinced. Haha

That's all from me this time, gotta skeedaddle. Ciao!

Tuesday, 12 January 2016

Dreams and Reality Part 4

“For lunch, of course.” I raised an eyebrow, staring at him weirdly.

He nodded and the edges of his mouth curled up. “Believe me, it was my pleasure.”

“I suppose you now have a plus one for tonight.” We stood and walked to his car as soon as he finished paying for our lunch.

“The party starts at 9, so I’ll pick you up around 8.30 then. Oh and as for the dress code whatsoever, I will text you the information.” He said as he opened my door for me.

“In that case, your phone please.” I put my hand out as soon as he got settled in his seat. He dug out his phone from his pocket and unlocked it before handing it over to me. I quickly inserted my number and handed it back to him. I heard my phone ring soon after and dug it out of my bag.

“That’s mu number.” He smiled at me when we stopped at a red light. I nodded and saved his number, placing my phone back in my bag when I’m finished.

“So what kind of party are you taking me to?” I asked curiously, looking at him as he drove us back to my house.

“If I’m not mistaken, party/masquerade ball. I don’t have all the details quite yet, so I’d tell you later. Is that alright?” He glanced at me as he asked.

I smiled and nodded. “Perfectly fine with me. I have to do something before the party anyways.”

He nodded and soon we arrived back at my house. He dropped my off at the front door, opening my door like a true gentleman.

“I’ll see you later, Ms. Charleston.” Daniel bowed and smiled.

“Indeed you will, Mr. Haverford.” I curtsied back and smiled as he went back to his car and drove out my house. I went inside to prepare for my ballet practice, quickly changing into my leotard and pointe shoes. I grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen before heading to practice.

“Good afternoon, James.” I greeted my instructor before starting on my stretches.

“Ready for the Pas de Deux?” he asked, placing the CD into the CD player.

“Well if you’d be my partner for the moment, we’re all set.”

“Definitely. But when you’re performing live, you won’t be with me.”

“When’s the audition anyways?” I asked, taking my position in front of the mirror.

“Next week, if I’m not mistaken.” He pressed ‘play’ and took his position. Soon, Tchaikovsky’s Pas de Deux for Nutcracker filled the room and we started our practice.

“Just make sure your arabesque is on point with the song but overall you’re good to audition next week.” James said as we took our break.

“Good for me then.” I joked, taking a large swig of water and wiped my mouth. “Can we work on Swan Lake now?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “One more Nutcracker then we can do Swan Lake.” I nodded and took my position again.

“Same time next week?” James asked when we’re finished, guzzling water in our mouth. I nodded, looking at the clock.

“I have to go now, got a party to prepare for.” I waved at him as I walked out the practice room, going straight to my bathroom to shower. As soon as I finished showering, my phone started ringing. I put it on speaker as I started preparing for the party.

“Good evening.”

“Good evening, Ms. Charleston.”

“Mr. Haverford, to what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?” I smiled, curling my hair.

“I’m just informing you about the dress code.” He replied.

“And what is it?”


“Perfect, I have just the right outfit for that.”

“Alright, I will be seeing you soon. Good evening, Ms. Charleston.”

“And to you, Mr. Haverford.” I pressed the ‘end’ icon and put my hair in a half up-do with few tresses curled on each side of my face. I put on minimal make-up, smoky eyes and dark colored lipstick to complement my maroon dress. Grabbing the said dress, I select suitable lingerie and get dressed before grabbing my Blahniks for the finishing touch.

“Vanna, there’s Daniel downstairs.” My mother said as she knocked on my door.

“A minute!” I replied, grabbing a clutch and stuffed my phone, lipstick and lip balm inside before going out and locking my door. I went down to the living room where I see Daniel and my mother talking.

“Ms. Charleston.” Daniel stood up and kissed the top of my hand.

“Do I pass muster, Mr. Haverford?” I teased, smiling at him.

He took a few steps back and looked at me head to toe. I blush a bit and squirmed in place, waiting for him to finish his examinations.

“You have surpassed my expectations.” He finally said and smiled widely.

“You better go now if you don’t want to be late.” My mother said and we immediately walked to Daniel’s car and drive to the venue.

Monday, 30 November 2015

Dreams and Reality Part 3

I nodded, rearranging the pillows so I can lay down to enjoy the sunlight, my eyes closing on their own as I let the sound of birds chirping lull me to sleep. As I drifted off, I heard a soft laugh echoing as I faded out into unconsciousness. I was pulled out from my nap to a hand stroking my hair and someone humming softly. I stretched and rubbed my eyes before opening them, only to look at sparkling blue eyes.

“Did the party tire you out that much?” Daniel asked, still stroking my hair softly. I smiled sheepishly and bite my lip, nodding my head a bit.

“I suppose I should apologize for coming so early.” He said regrettably, making me shake my head.

“You came at the right time. If I kept on sleeping, I wouldn’t have gotten anything done then.” I replied, my voice still heavy with sleep. He nodded, his hand still playing with my hair.

“Your hair gets all messed up when you sleep.” He pointed out and my hands immediately flew to my hair to tidy it up, only to find tangles. I sighed and sat up, my dress hiking up to mid thighs.

“I’ll treat you out for lunch.” He suddenly said and I looked at him in confusion.

“As an apology.” He clarified.”

“You don’t have to do that, really.” I protested lightly.

“I want to.” His eyes is sincere and honest, making me sigh and smile slightly.

“If you insist.”

He stood up and offered his arm. I hooked my arm with his and we strolled out the gazebo.

“Do you mind waiting in the parlor? I’m going to freshen up a bit.” I asked when we got inside the house.

“Of course not.” He smiled and sat down on the couch then gestured for me to go.

“Five minutes.” I promised and bounded up the stairs into my room. I stepped into the bathroom and brushed my teeth then went back to my room. Hurriedly, I brushed my hair, sprayed some perfume on my neck and wrists, applied some eyeliner and wore my white sandals before going back to the parlor where I spotted Daniel on the phone. I took a seat nearby and retrieved some lip-balm from my bag, applying it to my lips. He wrapped up the call soon enough.

“Something wrong?” I asked.

He pocketed his phone, and then shook his head. Afterwards, he stood and offered a hand to pull me up. I took it and we headed out to his car, a black R8. I gasped in admiration and nearly threw myself onto the car if it wasn’t for Daniel’s hand holding mine. And my dignity, of course. I let my eyes wander all the over the car: its sleek body, the shiny black coating. We came to a stop next to the passenger seat, the car being unlocked and him pulling the door open for me to get in.

“Why thank you, kind sir.” I curtsied before going in.

He hurried to the driver’s side after I settled down, starting the engine and pulls out from my house. I messed with the radio as we got into the highway, full of cars with people ready to spend their weekends.

“I take you like the R8?” I hear him ask, pulling me away from my thoughts. I smiled sheepishly and feel warmth on my cheeks, looking down to my lap and nodding in confirmation.

“Do you have any car of your own?” He asked, glancing at me.

I shake my head, “I can’t drive.”

We were quiet for a few moments before he spoke again. “May I ask why?”

“I haven’t learned how to drive, that’s it. No phobias or trauma, if you’re curious.”

“That explains it.” He smiled, putting the right blinker on before turning right. The car entered a posh restaurant and I frowned, looking at my attire then at the restaurant again.

“You look great, don’t worry about it.” He said as he killed the engine.

“But this restaurant is very high class.” I protested and crossed my arms on my chest. “There’s no way I can enter dressed like this.”

“You’d be surprised. Come on.” He had opened my door and offered a hand. I sighed and took it, pulling out of the car before walking towards the restaurant.

“Ah, Mr. Haverford! Good morning!” The maî-tre d greeted us as we entered the restaurant.

“Good morning, Jacques. Is my parents here already?” he shook hands with him as we walked inside, people dressed formally as they enjoyed their lunch. I frowned and hid behind Daniel.

“Your mother is here now consulting with the chef.” The maî-tre d replied. Daniel nodded and pulled me from behind him.

“Vanna, you look fine. Don’t fuss about it.” He bent down so he could look straight into my eyes.

“But…” I started to protest only to be stopped by a finger held in front of my mouth.

“No buts.” He said and took my hand, leading me to the kitchen where I can see his mother and the executive chef talking to each other.

“Good morning, mother.” He greeted with smile and kissed her cheeks, leaving me to stand behind him while wringing my hands together out of nervousness.

“Ah Daniel!” She brightened and hugged him.

“Picking the courses for dinner, I suppose?” He asked.

“Why yes, of course. I was hoping you could help with it. Oh, hello there.” She said when she spotted me. Daniel went back to my side and pulled me forward to greet his mother.

“Mother, may I introduce Ms. Charleston?” I held my hand out and put on a polite smile. She surprised me by giving a hug, one I immediately returned tightly.

“Your dress last night was magnificent. Was it a vintage?” Mrs. Haverford asked after we pulled away from the hug.

“I think so, it was my mother’s.” I replied as I went back to Daniel’s side.

“Vintage always brings the good couture.” She smiled, looking back to Daniel. “Would you take a look at the menu before the both of you enjoy your lunch? I need an opinion on the drinks.”

Daniel nodded and looked at me, “Do you mind?” I smiled and shake my head, heading out back to the dining area and chose a table near the window with a view of the park close by. A waiter came by bringing a bottle of wine with him.

“Mr. Haverford said to bring this and your lunch has been ordered.” He said after he poured the wine into both of the glasses.

I nodded, “Thank you.” He went back to the kitchen entrance as Daniel walked out and headed towards our table.

“I hope you’ve worked up quite an appetite since I ordered a lot.” He said as he sat down.

“I have an appetite nearly all the time.” I patted my stomach and giggled.

“I like a woman who can eat.” He said softly and I colored, looking down on my lap in embarrassment. He laughed softly and held my hands, making me look up at him.

“Don’t be embarrassed, I’m just stating a fact. You can’t find many girls who can eat without being worried about their weight afterwards.” He smiled and squeezed my hands before finally letting go when our food arrived.

“Enjoy.” Our waiter bowed then hurried back to serve another diner. We unfolded our napkins then lay it over our laps before opening the lid covering our foods. I inhaled deeply, savoring the aroma of my lunch.

“Are you going to tell me what food you have chosen?” I asked teasing as I start to cut the meat down.

“Grilled sea bass with hollandaise sauce, accompanied with sautéed asparagus.” He smiled before taking a bite. I copied him and moaned in pleasure as my taste buds exploded.

“Oh goodness, I would kill to own the recipe of this delectable food.” I exclaimed.

Daniel laughed and shook his head in disbelief. “You would be saying that for every dish I ordered then.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Oh? You’re that confident about this restaurant?”

“My family and yes, I am quite confident at that particular subject.” He smirked.

“Hmm, very well then. I suppose you wouldn’t mind if I up the ante then?” I challenged, leaning forward.

“Bring it on. If I win, you’re going to be my plus one at a party tonight.” He held out his hand, silently challenging me to shake it.

“Done and if I win, I could take you anywhere I wanted to go.” I shook his hand to seal the deal.

“One exception: it has to be by the law.” He added, me nodding in reply as I ate, chewing considerably to get more flavors from the food.

“Well what course do we have next?” I asked as I wiped my mouth when we finished the first course.

“Soup. Mushroom cream with chicken, accompanied with baguette.” Daniel said as he took a sip of his wine. The waiter soon came with our dishes and refilled our wine. I took the first taste of the soup and groaned.

“Yes?” He asked amused.

“I’m going to lose our small bet at this rate.” I complained as I take another spoonful of the delicious soup.

He smirked, “Music to my ears. Now finish up, we still have desert to follow.”

“Goodness.” I grumbled under my breath and finished the soup, taking a few sips of water to clear my mouth and throat. Soon another waiter cam carrying covered dishes that would be our dessert.

“So are you going to tell me what you ordered for our dessert?” I leaned forward and rested my head on my hand, smiling sweetly.

“Hmm, maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” He said in a sing-song voice. I pouted and crossed my arms across my chest childishly as the waiter placed our dessert on the table.

“Aww, I’m sorry.” He chuckled before opening the lid covering our final dish. I groaned in pleasure when I see my favorite dessert on the plate.

“I declare defeat.” I raised my hands up and smiled sheepishly. Daniel smiled smugly and leaned back on his chair.

“Eat up.” Was all he said, me doing so happily.

I scooped an unhealthy portion of my chocolate lava cake and added ice cream before eating it, my eyes closing in bliss.

“Thank you.” I smiled when we’re finished with lunch, sipping the remnants of our wine.

“For what exactly?” He asked as he signaled the waiter for our bill.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Why Don't You Love Me

Copyright by me. Yes, I write fanfictions. Don't be too surprised, been writing fanfictions all my life.

Oh and while you're at it, please listen to the song too. You can know when it's in Clary's or Jace's POV based on the song.


I wish we can get more Clace in the upcoming series too... But Julian and Emma's story are pretty dang interesting I want to read it (aka The Dark Artifices series). SHE HAS TOO MANY SERIES I HAVEN'T EVEN READ MAGNUS BANE UNTIL NOW UGH.
Brown Bobblehead Bunny